Domestic Violence in Affluent Marriages

Domestic Violence in Affluent Marriages

Opening up about domestic violence, either to the police or one’s friends and family, is often difficult and frightening for many survivors. Many feel a sense of guilt and shame, as though some amount of responsibility for the abuse falls on their shoulders. This can be for myriad illogical reasons: feeling blame for “provoking” the abuser, for choosing the abuser or for staying with him or her, or if the survivor feels like they deserve the abuse, for whatever reason. A survivor may even feel like they, alone, can or should be able to change their partner. If only I could stop making him/her mad, the abuse may stop.

This can be especially apparent among those survivors who are more affluent. There has long been an erroneous belief that domestic violence mainly affects low-income families, that the stress of poverty may be to blame for violence. While research shows that increased financial stress ups the likelihood of domestic violence, abuse does not skip over the wealthy by any means.

While women from lower incomes are more likely to access social services related to domestic violence, this may only be because the wealthy have more resources to deal with abuse privately. This may mean they can afford to leave the abuser without the help of shelter services or have the ability to hire a higher-priced attorney to assist them with a speedy divorce.

“Higher-income people hide behind what I call a veil of silence,” Susan Weitzman, Ph.D., told The Daily Beast in in a 2013 interview. “They believe it’s only happening to them. No one can hear you scream on a 3-acre lot.”

For more go to the source: Domestic Violence in Affluent Marriages | DomesticShelters

You can also call us. 480.442.4816 Redemption. Restoration. Recovery. (R3) Domestic Violence Services and Training. A Christ-centered domestic violence services and training 501c3 organization.

#DomesticViolence #RedemptionRestorationRecovery #DontBeSilent #EndDV


#GivingTuesday Everyone knows SOMEONE who is a victim of Domestic Violence. Help us help them!

Holly T. Ashley


Help us help them. Donate Here.

We are a Christ-Centered Domestic Violence Services Agency that takes individuals through the domestic violence processes including the intimidating, humiliating, re-victimizing, judicial process.

We also train individuals to be lay-counselors, lay-legal advocates, court advocates and Domestic Violence class facilitators. As well as provide churches and ministries across the country the opportunity to join our national ministry and receive training, resources and referrals.

“The fallow grand of the poor would yield much food, but it is swept away by injustice” Proverbs 13:23

Our Christ-Centered curriculum meets the criteria for all court mandated victims and offenders and is being taught throughout Arizona.

We are one of the only Domestic Violence organizations that have programming for Offenders.

“The teaching of the wise is a fountain of life, that one may turn away from the snares of death.” Proverbs 13:14

Our mission is to…

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@RealDonaldTrump, @Mike_Pence

An open letter on Domestic Violence & Immigration:

Please. Do not let Hillary win.cropped-redemption1.jpg


Dear Mr. Trump and Mr. Pence,

My name is Holly T. Ashley. I have been a domestic violence advocate for over 30 years. I have served not only as a court advocate, counselor, and facilities supervisor, but I am also responsible for walking into the Arizona State Governor’s office at a mere 20 years old with a type-writer composed outline of what I saw as a purpose and a plan to bring to light the often dismissed, swept under the rug, or left behind closed doors, issues concerning domestic violence.

And I succeeded.

In addition, I was part of an instrumental group, put together by the Governor at that time, in advocating for one of the first pieces of legislation brought to the Arizona floor and later put into law, making arrest mandatory for DV offenders.

Unfortunately, that would turn out to be my biggest regret.

I told you that, so I can can tell you this…

Many things have changed throughout the course of my 30-year service. Many changes in policy and attitudes towards this epidemic – influenced by the behaviors of our leaders in office – including that of your opponent. Her response (or lack thereof) to the reprehensible behavior of her spouse led me to leave the cause many years ago, out of frustration and anger.

Please do not let Hillary win.

Mr. Trump, I realize that most of America might see your comments towards women as offensive, but I think I recognize your admiration for women. I find it interesting that in the American woman’s plight to be “equal” they are the first to scream, “Offended!” When they are regarded as equals.

I believe, after observing your daughters, and your wife, (even your former wives, for that matter), that you indeed revere women as the intensely strong, smart, beautiful, God given gifts to our world, which they are. Who can work hard, remain feminine, advance in society, politics and the workforce, and do it all while maintaining their home and their families.

During the course of these past years, upon reentry into this field, and in the wake of the liberal tactics of some of the longstanding bureaucrats, in addition to the increase in violence not only that of abuse of women- but violence towards men – by women, I find myself fighting a whole different fight than the one of long ago…

Hillary Clinton has never, will ever, fight this fight.

For Hillary to address domestic violence, she would have to start within her own family, just as for her to address crime, she would have to begin with herself, to address the treatment of our veterans, she would have to begin with begging the widows of Benghazi for forgiveness.

She will not.

Domestic violence is no longer abuse against women, but it has become a national trend of viciousness as a solution for those who feel entitled. We have policies and laws on the books that are being twisted, distorted, perverted, and frankly, abused. As a result, we are seeing an overall increase in violence, but not just men – in women as well– that no one seemingly, wants to address.

Mr. Trump. Mr. Pence. I am a hard-core Christian woman. Molested and abused by my family, gang-raped at age 6 by the neighbor-boy and his friends, date-raped again at 19; By the time I was 30, I had been married and divorced 3 times, was raising 2 kids on my own and making a living as a stripper…

I wasted years blaming my past, my family, and my upbringing for the choices made in my latter days, but the bottom line is that, although as a child I was indeed sinned against, it in no way gave me the right to sin against others – including myself.

Nor did it give me the right to make the crude, insensitive, disrespectful choices as an adult. Neither does it give one, like Jodi Arias, and many other violent women, the consent to justify their carnage as a result of being bitter, hateful, and/or malicious due to past hurts.

Past hurt does not justify any type of abuse or violence towards others. It also does not give one permission to be a victim for the rest of their life either – especially at the expense of others.

Hillary will continue to excuse violent behavior.

In order to resolve this epidemic, we have to first acknowledge that bad behavior is never acceptable, that there are positive and powerful attributes to be discovered when women (and men) realize their own personal responsibilities, self-worth, and that they do indeed have a substantial place in society.

These are the things that our ministry focuses on. We offer services to both offenders and victims. And we have come to realize that not every offender offends. Just as not every victim is a victim. With that being said, we also make sure that those who are indeed criminals, go to jail.

But – funding for Christian ministries like mine are limited. As a matter of fact, they are so limited, that we, as with many other Christian organizations, operate without any type of grants or government assistance that is supposedly, non-discriminatory as well as reserved for domestic violence programs.

Hillary will sustain this trend.

As not only a grass-roots developer of some of the programs that went into the nation’s most formidable organizations, but also as a former violent-crime case analyst and profiler, Christian speaker, and published author, counselor, supervisor – for men, women and youth – which all started with my own personal rise from the ashes…  I know a little something about domestic violence.

However, as an outspoken advocate for reversing some of the processes and policies put into place over these past years – that have increased the victim mentality, blamed inanimate objects – such as guns, inadvertently increased the dangers to our police officers, caused mass-mayhem in our judicial system, and ludicrous pressure in our legislature by these modern-day women’s rights bullies –  coupled with the increased intimidation to the Christian church by way of litigation against what they deem as “hate speech,” I am standing firm in my faith and my mission for change.

Hillary will have me jailed.

I realize I am climbing an uphill battle and am constantly excluded from participation at mainstream DV conferences, conventions, workshops, and seminars because I speak out about abuses of the law, personal responsibility, and most importantly, Biblical principles that need to be realized in order to turn the tide.

No problem. I wrote a Christ-centered curriculum and started my own training and conference workshops – But, it will be even more difficult to implement, finance, let alone promote, if Hillary wins.

Do not let Hillary win.

Hillary Clinton is a devastation to what women are called to be. She is a proverbial black eye on the face of the domestic violence cause – and with regard to victims, her position is either to permit victims to continue to live life as victims, by allow them to claim ongoing entitlements, in addition to advocating for their lack of constructive lives as benefits – rather than fostering personal responsibility and growth that lead to changed lives, such as rising above circumstances to become a beacon of hope for others.

Yet, on the other side of her mouth –  She advocates for women to become “stronger” and through her own example, advocates manipulative, vulgar and abusive tactics in the name of the progressive women’s movement – and she will continue to denigrate women by not holding men accountable for their blatant disrespect and disregard towards women – as demonstrated in her own personal life history.

Please, do not let Hillary win.

I realize that domestic violence is not a political “hot topic” but immigration is – Therefore, you might want to note that if an illegal immigrant is a victim of intimate partner violence, she will get moved to the FRONT of the immigration line, by passing everyone on the path towards naturalization.

Mr. Trump, Mr. Pence, that is also not right.

And yes, I understand the ramifications for some of these women- I personally was held at gun point by a Middle Eastern man seeking “justice” for his family while pursuing his daughter, shelter by shelter, who had left her abusive spouse. Another woman committed suicide because she had lost her family’s respect, due to their cultural beliefs and was too afraid to return to Mexico, let alone, live.

But again, we cannot create policies (especially that are unbeknownst to the American public) that are counter-productive to not only our Nation’s security- but also impede, let alone, trample on, the massive efforts by those who have been pursuing legal naturalization status and jumping through all of the proverbial immigration hoops, as they are required to do.

There is a better way, I promise.

PLEASE. Do not let Hillary win.

Sincerest blessings,

Holly T. Ashley

Founder/Executive Director

Redemption. Restoration. Recovery (R3).

Domestic Violence Services and Training.

Oh, you have enough DV Services… well then, tell that to the 20,000 who went without services last year…

No. This did not just happen. Tell me how this could possibly happen? How does the Office for Victims of Crime Consultant network tell me that our services are not needed? That they have enough “consultants” in their network… Really? Over 20,000 victims were turned away from services last year – and Redemption (R3) Domestic Violence Services and Training is not needed? Really?

Dear Holly,

We want to thank you for your interest in the Office for Victims of Crime Consultant Network.  Unfortunately, we are not accepting Consultant Network applications at this time. Please let us know if you have any other questions.





I wish it ended there – Since the beginning of this year, I have had 3 victims who needed a place to live that I could not place due to no bed space availability. I have not been able to secure safe transportation or provide transitional housing. In my list of over 1000 network services, I have not been able to locate ONE service that would provide a bus ticket, I have not found ONE SINGLE church that would allow me to teach DV classes in their facilities not only in Arizona- but NATION WIDE – Tell me again, how are we helping?

I’m sorry for the rant, but when I get promises from churches to host DV classes – that are promised in a setting amongst a group of people as witnesses, yet fail to return an email confirming class start dates and times – I can’t help but think it was merely for the purpose of self-promotion and an effort to be “heard” rather than act.

Look – we have an epidemic on our hands and we have people who want to help, but this is not how we get it done.

We need to work together and call upon each other in order to alleviate this madness.  This is ridiculous. This is pathetic. A sickening example of “help” for desperate victims who need our help.

One Judge’s Take on the Challenges of Family Court  | DomesticShelters

One of the service provided by R3 (Redemption. Restoration. Recovery) Domestic Violence services is Trial Prep. Through the words of Oregon family court Justice, Katherine Tennyson, this is a must for any victim:

Tennyson states: “Survivors are seldom informed about the legal process. “They think they can just go to court and tell their story and everyone will believe them.” The reality is, first impressions are everything.“It’s critical to get off to a very clear start. Once one mistake is made, everything kind of compounds on that. At the very beginning of the case, if a judge finds that something did not occur, then it’s very hard to undo.” Her advice to survivors, whether they’re looking to extend an order or protection, secure custody or something else related to domestic violence: Don’t go it alone.”

Read more here: Source: One Judge’s Take on the Challenges of Family Court | DomesticShelters

For more information on R3 go to our website:

#DomesticViolence #DomesticAbuse #Redemption3 #R3DVServices

Holly T. Ashley

One of the service provided by R3 (Redemption. Restoration. Recovery) Domestic Violence services is Trial Prep. Through the words of Oregon family court Justice, Katherine Tennyson, this is a must for any victim:

Tennyson states:  “Survivors are seldom informed about the legal process. “They think they can just go to court and tell their story and everyone will believe them.” The reality is, first impressions are everything.“It’s critical to get off to a very clear start. Once one mistake is made, everything kind of compounds on that. At the very beginning of the case, if a judge finds that something did not occur, then it’s very hard to undo.” Her advice to survivors, whether they’re looking to extend an order or protection, secure custody or something else related to domestic violence: Don’t go it alone.”

Read more here: Source: One Judge’s Take on the Challenges of Family Court  | DomesticShelters

For more…

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Love Like You’ve Been Hurt!

Love Like You’ve Been Hurt!

Today as I was scrolling through Face Book, a friend of mine called out a very popular saying… Referring it as blatant B.S.

You know, I gotta tell ya., I love BOLD people! Especially when they open my eyes to a new perspective on things like “sing-songy-sayings” that I have simply overlooked – Just like my friend Marshele Carter did today.

Let me let her explain how such a popular saying, well… Shouldn’t be so popular after all:


I’m calling BS on a quote I used to like:

“Love like you have never been hurt.”

Love like…When I first read it years ago, I thought it was brilliant. I bought a decorative version of it and hung it on my wall. I bought a coffee mug with the quote wrapped around it and drank from it daily. Today, after a decade of life-altering circumstances, I disagree with this idea…the suggestion that we should love like we’ve never been hurt.

Love like...

Love that has never known pain is a shallow sentiment. But, love that has been injured, even mortally wounded, walks differently, talks differently, sees differently, hears differently, and therefore, loves differently.

Broken hearts go one of two ways– they go down a road of bitterness, shaking a figurative fist in everyone’s face into infinity or they go down a road of reassessment, restoration and eventually, complete renewal.

I no longer believe it’s best to love like you’ve never been hurt. If hurt has made you a better person, then love like you’ve been hurt! For everyone’s sake! Loving like you’ve been hurt doesn’t mean tightening your grip on the throats of those who hurt you. Loving like you’ve been hurt doesn’t mean sporting a woe-is-me, victim mentality. Loving like you’ve been hurt doesn’t mean keeping everyone at arm’s length.

Loving like you’ve been hurt means treasuring your relationships more deeply because you’ve known great loss. Loving like you’ve been hurt means being wiser in choosing whom to trust.

“Love like you’ve never been hurt?” Nah. No. Not any more. Today I’m going to find my fattest, black Sharpie and draw a straight line through the word “never” on my wall decor and my mug. Going forward, I’m going to love better BECAUSE of the hurt.

Thanks Marshele!

#hollytashley #Raisethebar


Holly T. Ashley

Today as I was scrolling through Face Book, a friend of mine called out a very popular saying… Referring it as blatant B.S.

You know, I gotta tell ya., I love BOLD people! Especially when they open my eyes to a new perspective on things like “sing-songy-sayings” that I have simply overlooked – Just like my friend Marshele Carter did today.

Let me let her explain how such a popular saying, well… Shouldn’t be so popular after all:

I’m calling BS on a quote I used to like:

“Love like you have never been hurt.”

Love like...When I first read it years ago, I thought it was brilliant. I bought a decorative version of it and hung it on my wall. I bought a coffee mug with the quote wrapped around it and drank from it daily. Today, after a decade of life-altering circumstances, I disagree with this idea…the suggestion that…

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The Church’s Abuse of Domestic Violence

This past month has been a focus of attention for me as with many others in regards to Domestic Abuse. As a thirty-year veteran of this cause, I have been there, done that and (literally) written the manual on it…

In the beginning I had to deal with the following facts:

1. There weren’t any places of refuge for the victims, especially those of the faith.
2. The issues were not being addressed from a Biblical perspective.
3. No one was being held accountable by the Biblical standards set forth in the scriptures.


We have more dog-rescues and foster families of orphans from other countries in our church than we do foster-families of battered women and/or their children. Whereby we have ZERO.

We rarely see domestic violence classes – as a matter of fact there are even less whereby a court-ordered class is taught at a church. As a matter of fact, we have passed the buck to (mostly) Christian women who have taken it upon themselves to start refuges, resource centers and counseling programs- then left them hanging by not financially supporting them or even so much as give them a space in their country-club facilities to operate.

Most of the domestic violence counseling programs at our churches are taught by only those degreed professions – who have mastered the social service and psychological perspectives… Rather than anyone who has been specifically trained in domestic violence – God forbid, one who has been there-done that…

Most certainly these issues are not addressed from the pulpit- nor is the offender ever rebuked or confronted.

As a matter of fact, the church’s prevention tactic regarding this issue is often to ignore it or vail it with a mock-counseling sweep-it-under-the-rug-intervention of “pray harder,” “we will be praying for you,” “be a man,” or “be more submissive.”

Back in the day, I was only 20 years old. My church-going, Bible-study parents were humiliated, and therefore were no help. The church joined in their condescending and condemning rebuke. And I felt they were all correct in their findings.

And to a point… they were correct, but being “right” is not a solution, it is an invitation to devise a solution.

And for those of you who do not believe that there is accountability in the victim – you are part of the problem and more than likely are basing your belief on psychological findings rather than scripture.

That mere fact alone stands to defend my point in that the church must take back this issue! The victim who does not take responsibility is the victim who will remain in the cycle of violence for years to come.

“Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly.”

I listened to the “experts” who dealt with these questions from a judicial perspective, from a legislative perspective and also those social services workers who dealt with this from a psychological perspective.

Declarations of abuse being that of “power and control” are the ruling decisions – and still stand today.

Unfortunately – that is simply a state of being for the sinful man and woman, since the fall and the curse that followed, “Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” Hardly the definition or solution to the actual problem.

What no one seems to want to deal with is the spiritual issue. The moral compasses of those involved.

Why is the church not the forerunner?

Where is the refuge for the needy? For the poor in spirit?

The churches have disengaged themselves from the issue of domestic abuse – just as I did back then and I, feeling that because I was only a victim, without a “degree” in social services or psychology, did not feel that I had anything much to offer – after all I was a defined as a victim and without the knowledge of Freudian teachings, I had nothing to contribute to this “disease” or whatever the latest DSM described the behavior to be…

Age, wisdom and me trying to run from this calling has lead me to this fact: All of that is nothing but a lie straight from Satan himself.

So here I find myself, yet again… trying to convince a morally inept country to believe that this is a spiritual issue that can only be addressed by Christ and all without the support of the church to back me up.

Another decade, and nothing has changed.

Victims are defined as women, and offenders are men. The Jodi Arias’ of our decayed country are seen as victims of sexual immorality – even when that immorality is of their own doing.

Men who are victims of female abuse are flat out ignored and neglected. Most certainly not validated.

And do we dare discuss the direct-connection between sexual abuse and pornography?

Social services have become the powerful leader in the “plan of action” for victims of abuse, treatment of offenders and what they see as being “best for the welfare of the children” that are involved in the violence.

But God ordained the church, not Social services, psychology or any other liberal agency that does not look to God’s holy word and the hearts of His created beings to transform this relational issue – without Christ there will be no change – He is the only Way.

The church has focused on “Biblical divorce” rather than “Biblical marriage” and has therefore directly contributed to the problem. And by caving to the concept that a degree in psychology or social services out rank scripture – That is simply blasphemy.

The church as conceded defeat to the world-view. And in its vulgar attempt to deflect the issues at hand have left those in need in utter despair.

What a spectacular feeding ground we have now given to Satan.

It is time for the church to take back the authority given to them by God Himself and focus on the solution to the problem – that is found in Christ alone.

Victims are refusing to press charges, testify in court not to mention those who stay at the direction of their church leadership because of a misguided need to preserve the marriage – forgetting scripture that clearly defines a time for separation:

“Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer;”

But then again… where to go? If the church and its members are not going to provide a refuge, a place to go for prayer, counseling and scriptural guidance… ? The victims who do fight back, do it with their heads hung down in shame – and they do it alone – or worse- they do it with a victim’s advocate covering their head for them!

Who will show them that Jesus hung their shame on the cross?! That they have victory in Him?

““‘I know your works. You have the reputation of being alive, but you are dead. Wake up, and strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have not found your works complete in the sight of my God.’””

So how do we start this process? I am afraid that to whomever is reading this, I am preaching to the choir and my fear is that of what has taken me captive over these past thirty-years of desperately trying to run from this call – that is, nothing will change. But, I will continue on out of nothing more than pure obedience – and I ask you to do the same.

We can start by admitting the truth: This is a Spiritual issue and we, as a church, as the beacon of light, hope and love, have failed miserably.

We are called to relationship, from the beginning of time –

First of all, the Trinity in and of Itself. God is not alone, He is in relationship with Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

Second they created earth and all that is in it and created all of the plants and animals male and female with the command to, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the waters in the seas, and let birds multiply on the earth.”

Thirdly, God first made man in his own image – “then the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature.”

But saw that it was NOT good… “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

The key here that churches seem to steer clear of is this tiny little statement: “fit for him.” We, as a church, do not teach the importance of being “fit” for one another. We do not focus on the relationship as God designed:

“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God;”

We spend so much time trying to keep marriages together that are unholy, un-biblical not to mention volatile and unfruitful to the Kingdom, that by our own view of being “holy,” we are leading the world astray – down a rabbit hole straight to hell.

We have more compassion on those who walk in their sin then on those who regret and mourn their sin.

“It is a snare to say rashly, ‘It is holy,’ and to reflect only after making vows.”

Here’s the truth church. Divorce is indeed something that God hates – as He does many things:

“There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.”

“Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.”

So to those of you who have been an abomination by your lying tongue, lustful eyes, pride of life, road rage, drunkenness, greed, and idolatry– I say to you, you are no different from anyone else that God has declared unworthy – but then again, aren’t we all?

“ All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one.”

For those in the church who are so quick to condemn those who contemplate or determine that divorce is their best solution, I say to you – You have also condemned God Himself of His own kingdom:

“…For all the adulteries of that faithless one, Israel, I had sent her away with a decree of divorce.”
And before you slam me with hate email and comments – stating how the word “whore” is used as the reason… and that Christ Himself used adultery/sexual immorality as the “only” Biblical reason….

Then so be it:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Therefore, in our society I declare all are indeed guilty. And if you deny your lust then you have now put yourself in the category of abomination with your lying tongue.

Divorce is indeed harmful. I am not suggesting that we, as a church minimize the impact – NO INDEED! But since the church has declared that “All are righteous” and is no more calling out the perpetual sinner or holding them accountable- but rather preaching FREE GRACE without penalty of sin – then it is the least that you can do to show grace to those who have been failed miserably by a church who has allowed – even presided over their godless marriage.

No more, do we the church follow Christ’s command or Paul’s vivid example of holding the sinner in the church accountable for their actions:

““If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”

“By rejecting this, some have made shipwreck of their faith, among whom are Hymenaeus and Alexander, whom I have handed over to Satan that they may learn not to blaspheme.”

“As for those who persist in sin, rebuke them in the presence of all, so that the rest may stand in fear.”

So what choice does the un-biblical marriage have –Especially when there is no accountability for the grotesque actions of their spouse. Especially in the cases of sexual immorality, drunkenness…

And that “sticky-situation,” of abuse?

The mere mention of domestic violence brings about immediate denial or a sense of disqualification to address these actions – by the church mind you! The very group that is declared: “Anointed, qualified, and ordained…”

Could it be that it is due to their own guilt and shame? That they have laid the very ground work for this lack of covenant keeping? This abomination of the very essence of the image of Christ and His church?


By not enforcing the law of God, in this case- Biblical marriage, Biblical relationship… we have given permission to this particular sin called divorce.

By not teaching the Scriptures regarding relationship and mandating this call for judgment we are guilty of allowing relationships that are not ordained by God to join in unions and calling them business relationships, friendships, missionary opportunities, and even marriage which does nothing but desecrate the foundation of what God has designed as Biblical relationship- and it has spilled over into marriage.

As a matter of fact, our complacency and tolerance of the worldview has led our congregations to follow the way of the world’s vision of relationships, including that of the most holy of all: Marriage –

And this is due to the mere fact that the Biblical precepts of marriage that are under the guidelines set forth by Biblical doctrine are not being taught by those in authority nor are those who violate those guidelines held to account.

We must open our eyes to the wolves among us and purge ourselves of them before they devour the church as a whole:

“I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.””

If you as a church have not purged “the evil person from among you,” then you have deliberately defied God’s command to do so.

How dare you.

So then, what be of those who are not in the church? To that I would remind you of yet another command:

“May he defend the cause of the poor of the people, give deliverance to the children of the needy, and crush the oppressor!”

If not this be the responsibility of the church – then who else is going to show the love of Christ? Reconciliation? Recovery? Redemption?

Victims are being turned away from services at the rate of over 11,000 per year – and those who are seeking help… where do they go to find redemption? The state? The government agencies? The Christian facilities that are busting at the seams?

Where are you church? Where have you gone? What have you done giving your power away to the adulterous worldview, the thief who seeks to devour and destroy?

When we have memberships in our churches that exceed the tens of thousands, why is there no available room for victims of abuse who are living in their cars to avoid their abusers? Where is the foster family for them? For their children?

“Do not deliver the soul of your dove to the wild beasts; do not forget the life of your poor forever.”

Holly T. Ashley is a published author, speaker and the founder of R3 Ministries and is an expert in the field of Domestic Abuse and family violence.
R3 Ministries is a Christ-centered domestic violence curriculum that is approved for court-mandated victims and offender DV classes and is also a training manual for churches, ministries and Christian lay-counselors for Domestic Violence counseling and programming.


R3 is a ministry of Cross Strength Ministries, LLC

#R3 Ministries