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Domestic Violence: Another Piece to the Puzzling Reason it Continues: Dear Law Enforcement/Politicians… You’re doing it wrong.

If we have learned anything from the Gabby Petito domestic homicide case; it is that we need to do something different.

You would think that when a domestic homicide occurs every 90 seconds across America, things would change, and the “powers that be” might listen to the experts in the field…

But they do not.

“He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” (Micah 6:8)

But then again, when we kill unborn children, videotape rapes in broad daylight, kill innocent people with drones, murder pedophiles in their prison cell, ignore intelligence that led to the slaughter of 13 of America’s finest military men and women, not to mention, leave innocent lives behind to be beheaded and hung from a helicopter (via our own aircraft), after bailing out criminals who killed innocent people and destroyed their lively hoods during the “summer of love…”

I suppose I should not be surprised when I am dismissed, ignored, and shut out.

Called mean. Referred to as “too frustrated” and told that I need to “change my attitude.”

That law enforcement officials are “social workers… counselors…” and do not need our expertise…. After all, they’ve had the training…

That the political leaders “have our best interest at heart….” And are doing “all they can…” But, Holly, if you could get me this or that… I’ll be able to …

Sure, you will.

I’ve complied. I’ve done all I have been asked… Yet here we are. “Doing all we can,” with our hands tied behind our backs… the backs you have tried to break by pushing against the wall, time and time again.


I have screamed from the rooftops for well over two and a half decades – to no avail. No one wants to listen to the truth – especially if they have to deal with their own incompetence.

When I began my “career” in domestic violence, it was out of sheer necessity. My ex-cop abuser left me for dead on the floor of our garage only two nights after he had broken my hand and tried to kill me by beating me with an iron fireplace poker.  

From the courtroom, I learned that although I had called 911 upon his return to the shared residence at 6:00 pm and the neighbor across the street called again at 7:30 – The police where he had been employed did not respond until nearly 10:30 pm.

The precinct, run by my 2nd cousin, was less than 1 mile down the road from our home… Yeah, I have a life-history lesson, firsthand, about Politician and leadership and their processes of corruption, cover-ups, and coercion.

When they finally got around to coming to the home, both vehicles in the garage were missing, and even though we did not have a truck to pull it with, the 30’ jet boat was also gone.

They found me unconscious, with a broken arm, broken jaw, and a broken neck.

I was taken to a local hospital where I was told to “find shelter.”

The only problem with that was – This was 35 years ago… There were only 2 shelters for women in Arizona and they were solely for women with children and they were each 2 ½  hours away in either direction.

It was at the initial meeting with the judge the next morning, upon the abuser’s release, whereby I learned that I had 10 days to remove myself from the residence, with the statement following an assessment of my physical injuries: “If you can’t work, you can’t pay the bills.”

Although my experience has led me down a road whereby a lot of GOOD things have changed – (a standardized definition of domestic abuse, funding (although if you’re a Christian organization – you’re not on that list).

More shelters (of course, if you’re an animal, chances are you have a better shot a getting a bed, since there are seven times the amount of shelters for animals than people), hotlines, coalitions, agencies, and organizations, resources, referrals, education, awareness campaigns (although now it’s all about being politically correct, inclusive, and… the all-powerful, Critical Race theoretical garbage) which has led to some proper – but more often: improper training, and laws…. More and more laws.

But it doesn’t matter one single bit; if the laws are not followed by the very people that are sworn to “protect and serve,” do not enforce them.

Equally, it is to no avail for prosecutors to rush through cases without a proper investigation and judges who simply issue an order of protection (OOP) and an “anger management” class.

Against the empirical (and Biblical) evidence that shows “anger” is the manifestation of the beliefs, thoughts, and attitudes of the offender that produce the outcome, that is, domestic abuse.

But, hey… the classes are short and without confrontation – and I have been told by prosecutors that, “that’s what the offender wants….”

So, there you go.

“Listen to the word of the Lord, O sons of Israel, For the Lord has a case against the inhabitants of the land, Because there is no faithfulness or kindness Or knowledge of God in the land. There is swearing, deception, murder, stealing and adultery. They employ violence, so that bloodshed follows bloodshed” (Hosea 4:1-3).

The country has now seen, firsthand, what happens when police officers do not take 911 calls seriously or follow the law to make a “mandatory arrest.”

People die.

At the rate of 1 every 90 seconds.

And now, because the law enforcement officials have botched the investigation – on every level, we do not have the suspect in custody – or his parents – and we will probably never know when the coward took his life, let alone how he actually died.

Let alone whatever happened the night that Petito was strangled to death.

Was she dead or alive when she was buried?

Did Laundrie kill himself after he got home, and did his parents cover it up? Did he ever really ever come home?

I realize that there were eyewitness recollections that say they witnessed seeing him… but research shows that recall-witness statements are wrong nearly 74% of the time… and can be manipulated by suggestive reporting by media and other testimony.

So….

 Did they hide the body until they got the “all clear” to return to the wooded area to let the alligators and wildlife consume the evidence on Laundrie’s body?

All while destroying evidence at their UNSECURED home?

Why was Laundrie hitchhiking? Was Gabby already dead?

Questions we will never know because the first responding officers on the scene did NOT do their job.

What they did was so typical. It made my heart sink.

And frankly, I’ve had enough.

I have had enough of the lies, the semantics, the games, the cover-ups, the inadequacies, the lack of wisdom, and the ineptness and incompetence of everyone involved.

God did not make us to fight these evils alone.

From the days of creation, God made two of each kind – including human beings (one race, by the way) – Male and female (by the way) – to work in relationship with one another, to “carry each other’s burdens.”

He gave us the individual gifts of the Holy Spirit – so that we could work as a unified body: One part of the body does not say to another that because they are not an eye or an ear, they are useless.

But apparently, the “believers” in law enforcement and the judicial system must have overlooked that part.

Love God. Love People.

Well, not really… There are those with power…

And then there are the peasants.


The 911 operator was rude, interrupting the caller on numerous occasions, and flat-out arrogant and dismissive.

Then referred to the PHYSICAL ABUSE as stated by the eyewitness as a “domestic problem.”

Do you want to know why people videotape rapes on a train rather than get involved?

When the AUTHORITIES do not take it seriously – why should anyone else?

When there is no arrest, no prosecution, no incarceration, no consequences – and they are just going to go free….

… and what would you expect from a country that murders children in the womb? That lets violent criminals walk the streets. That allows aggressive, dangerous, politically motivated thugs to loot and burn down small businesses?

A government that fights for the rights of perverts and bails out thugs that burn down cities…

We have learned that the lives of others really aren’t that important after all – That it is all about the “clicks,” “likes,” and getting ahead… achieving and maintaining power and control.  

No matter the cost to others; Let alone the cost to society as a whole.

God says those in authority are held to a higher standard…

These actions are not going to be forgotten – nor will they be excused.


The police flat-out ignored the statements made by the eyewitnesses and, therefore, did not make an arrest, did not search the vehicle, did not follow the law in making a mandatory arrest.

(Just a note – In this day and age in forensics, we know FOR A FACT that bruising can take 2 – 3 days to show up on a victim. Cops have been trained in this … supposedly).

The responding officer was so arrogant and flagrant in his sympathy towards Brian Laundrie that he went so far as to violate every code of ethics practiced by (the real) professionals in the field – and he even threw his own wife under the bus by detailing her mental health issues, medication, and his own personal experiences “dealing with her.”

Just watch the video – if you even begin to excuse the officer’s behavior, you are part of the problem. So just sit down.

Did he just diagnose Gabby with a mental health issue, all while excusing Laundrie’s outburst?

Yes, he did.

This same officer from the Moab Police Department (Utah) went on to file a FALSE report stating that the incident was “more of a mental/emotional health issue than a domestic assault.”

Really?

I’m pretty sure emotional, psychological, and verbal abuse IS ABUSE! Not only did the officers witness this firsthand – just in mere observation of the constant crying (as reported) by Gabby – but they had an EYEWITNESS 911 CALL of PHYSICAL ABUSE.

Did they call a domestic violence service provider? Specifically trained and experienced to assess the situation, establish victim/offender? Provide resources, referrals, transportation to a shelter?

Did they check the “anxiety” medications and verify with the Doctors?

Did they verify the “history” of the relationship?

Did they even do a safety plan?

Nope.

Apparently, THESE officers (like all the others across America), obviously learned, through their “extensive” 1 hour, lunch-n-learn Domestic Violence Training, that Domestic abuse is limited to physical injuries that can be seen without any medical intervention whatsoever – and apparently, they are SO WELL trained, that they can determine the mental wellness of individuals and can assess and evaluate, without any empirical testing whatsoever.

Funny – I spent six years in school and 20 years in the field….  and a mental health assessment still takes a minimum of 4-6 HOURS, not to mention the criminal element, that can not possibly be addressed until a comprehensive and thorough background check and investigation of prior behaviors is assessed. Doctors are called, medication is verified, criminal records are investigated, families are interviewed –

But they KNOW THAT, right?

I mean, after all, they have spent at least 1 hour in “Domestic Violence Training,” coupled with an hour of “mental health awareness” training.

Pshhhhhhhhhhhhh…. They are the Pros.  

Silly Holly…

So, the police didn’t do what they have SWORN to do “Protect” or “Serve,” let alone “Keep the Peace,” and now Gabby is dead.

Another domestic homicide to add to the stats.

The coward, Laundrie is dead.

The parents of Laundrie have destroyed every piece of evidence there is or will ever be.

Including Laundrie’s own body…

So, what will be the repercussions?

I know the answer… Because it has not changed in 35 years!

N-O-T-H-I-N-G… NOT ONE THING.

There will not be justice for Gabby. There will never be peace for her family – They do not know the Lord, and that also makes my heart sick.

Nothing will change, the work of police officers answering domestic calls without a domestic violence specialist will never happen –

Of course, that would be an invasion of their “power and control.”

That would be invasive to their tender egos.

That would be annoying.

That would take up even more time

Most importantly, that would be accountability.

And we certainly do not want that!

Did you know that we do not track 911 calls back to the police reports, police response, or even the outcome of the initial call?

WE DO NOT.

I, personally know of more than a few incidences whereby 911 OR police dispatch were called, police showed up, NO REPORT WAS FILED.

In more than THREE incidents in the past three years, the offender had a weapon and NO ARREST WAS MADE –

One officer even told the victim that he wasn’t going to arrest the alleged offender… AND I QUOTE: “because [he, the officer], wasn’t there, how do I know that you didn’t stage this?”

The mentally ill, off his medication, the offender was in the woods in the back of the house. The family begged the officers to wait on the scene until they could obtain the proper paperwork to get him into a treatment facility.

They complied – but DID NOT TRANSPORT the highly volatile, threatening, and dangerous man. LET ALONE call in a mental health expert.

Another officer, after arriving to a scene whereby the offender threatened the wife, the roommate, and 3 CHILDREN with a gun – including firing several rounds into the air – not only did NOT MAKE AN ARREST – But DID NOT file a police report.

When the victim confronted the Sheriff’s department with an audio recording of the event, they found the time to file an incident report – but labeled it a “VERBAL ALTERCATION.”

The law states that ALL GUNS ARE TO BE REMOVED. AN ARREST MUST BE MADE.

Neither of those things has happened…

I know because while I was sitting on my patio one morning, the OFFENDER, along with his Pit-Bull mix dog, walked up, sat down, and filled me in.

Along with some other quite intimidating information for me to “think about.”

When I met with the Sheriff’s office to offer up this handy-dandy information and plead for more training (not to mention a statement to the officers about this Domestic Violence Service Provider’s well-researched and confirmed report) – The Deputy Chief informed me that he would NOT initiate a review – or make any type of a statement to his deputies, or even obtain further training for his officers.

Instead, what he did tell me was to obtain (and pay for) a “Records Request.”

Just an FYI: That’s the equivalent of a suspect telling the police, “Go Get a Warrant!”

So again I say: We have a problem.


People are evil.

They are not good and never have been.

“There is none good, no not one.”

The Bible declares that all men are literally “born into sin.”

That, “the heart is wicked… deceitful above all else… and is not to be trusted.”

Therefore, we must begin believing that truth of the Bible – God’s holy, inerrant Word – and understand that offenders MUST BE PROSECUTED.

Laws MUST BE FOLLOWED.

But the Bible also instructs us to be wise.

That includes knowing your weaknesses and calling on the help of those who can compensate with the strength (gifts) that God has ordained upon them.

We’re all just sinners trying really hard not to sin.

And – there are those of us, who have pursued their gift of discernment by using the experiences that God has allowed in their lives in order to “speak for the oppressed and pursue justice.”

“For such a time as this.”

But the “powers that be,” seemingly do not want to expose their weakness. Instead, they want to be perceived as being “in control,” “the authority,” “the keeper of all things righteous, holy, and just….”

The legislators of morality.

But that doesn’t work when you have no standard for morality.

Without God as the standard. There is no standard.

And then people (even people in power and who have authority) lie, cheat, and do substandard work that they declare is “best in the long run.”


I say this because Pastor David and I live in what is known as “The Bible Belt.” And although that might have been true a century ago – It’s not even in the realm of possibilities in 2021.

Fact is, we live in the “Church Belt.”

Cities upon cities of “believers.”

They have NO idea what they believe, let alone why they believe it…  

OH yes! There is a myriad of very vocal, I might add, “Believers.”

Churches in every other building as you walk down the block, you could stand on the stoop of one, spit, and hit the stoop of another…

But the Bible…?

Is it being preached?

Is it being followed?

No.

It might be quoted here and there – But it is most CERTAINLY not being read… let alone exegeted, or studied.

But misunderstood?

Oh yeah. The feel-good, no-condemnation, no-sin, no-consequences, God loves everybody, let’s get to lunch on time…

That is practiced regularly.

Right along with the “Jesus is my boyfriend” song list – being BLASTED from the “stage” (we don’t have alters anymore) by Nashville-reject/wanna-be’s, enjoying their regularly scheduled Sunday morning concert series.

Pastor Dave and I sat on a committee that held a roundtable for “faith” leaders in the community. One of the speakers, a well-known local pastor, actually stated that when we are trying to help people in our community, there will be times whereby “We need to lay aside our theology…” while all the other “pastors” shook their heads in agreement.

I thought Pastor David’s head would explode.

NOWHERE. NOT EVER. Does God command, deem appropriate, or even suggest that we are to “lay aside the Gospel.”

Anywhere.

Dave and I no longer serve on that committee.

As a matter of fact, we do not serve on any of the “faith” or “church” committees/organizations that have been organized to “help” in this part of the “Bible belt.”

Because they have all proven to be heresy.

Unequally yoked groups of people whose mission is advancing their social status – NOT advancing the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Idolatry.

They have made for themselves false gods of their own distorted, evil beliefs– and their gods let them do whatever they want, without fear of consequences – Not now or in the eternity to come.

“… a silversmith, who made silver shrines of Artemis, brought no little business to the craftsmen… ‘you see and hear that not only in Ephesus but in almost all of Asia this Paul has persuaded and turned away a great many people, saying that gods made with hands are not gods.’” (Acts 20:24-26).

Proof of this fact is that we have a nationally acclaimed preacher standing in a pulpit, just down the road from my house, whereby he gaslighted his wife into believing that she was insane (the true meaning of gaslighting, by the way) – and when she went into an institution, he married his mistress of decades – after she divorced her husband, and member of the church – The same couple that he, himself actually married!

Yeah, he’s a real winner…

His name is @GREGLOCKE – I’m sure you’ve heard of him. He is a classic and flagrant domestic abuse offender who is politically driven to attain power and control through notoriety and perceived social value…

But what the Bible says is that he is “WORTHLESS, and UNFIT for any good work.”

Yet here in the “Bible belt,” he’s a hero.

Along with the pride and joy of the buckle being their beloved Southern Baptist Convention (SBC). All with their nearly 1,000 documented claims against Pastors and church leaders for sexual abuse, domestic violence, adultery, pediophelia, sex trafficking, etc.

Of course, they’ve all been allowed to resign, retire, or simply move to another church with full benefits, of course. So, I guess it’s all ok since they’re not at that church anymore.

And for those of you heathens who had invited Pastor David and me to these events with this blaspheming, wife-abusing, adulterous, false teaching, pathetic excuse for a man – without informing us first – You’re lack of integrity has been noted – and you too can just take a seat.

“But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints… you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not become partners with them” (Eph. 5:3, 5-7).

Another source of evidence is that we have an entire COUNTY of “Believers” who sit in office – yet not ONE could tell you how the abortion clinic appeared…

And not ONE of these “pro-lifers” can tell you what they will do to shut it down.

Because they are not.

They do not value human life either – They desire power. They desire control – driven by the gods of greed and social status.

They assume office, and instead of working on behalf of “the people,” they begin work on committee nominations and re-election campaigns.

“Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!” (Is. 5:20).


So what’s the point in this blog?

It’s a public statement.

  • FIRST: If you think that I was mean… too frustrated… ugly… or had a bad attitude BEFORE…

Well, you’re in for a real treat!

Buckle up, buttercup.

“Those who continue in sin, rebuke in the presence of all, so that the rest also will be fearful of sinning” (1 tim. 5:20).

  • SECOND: We need politicians who possess a fear of the Lord God and His chosen. Men (yes… PC police, “wo” men too), who are willing to actually SERVE the people – regardless of whether or not they obtain a committee position or get re-elected….

We get to decide whether or not you get re-elected.

You work for us. To preserve (and return) our constitutional rights.

We need these individuals at the city, county, and state levels! Not just federal.  

  • THIRD:  Domestic Violence professionals, Mental Health professionals, need to work in coordination with the police departments.

P-E-R-I-O-D.

  • FORTH: Immediate action must be taken to secure accountability. There needs to be accountability with regard to how domestics are handled and the outcome of those calls. And it starts with an audit of every single 911/dispatch domestic and the corresponding law enforcement agency that responded, the actions taken, reports filed….
  • Follow-up visits and case management.

(Oh wait… law enforcement doesn’t do follow-up visits (well, unless it’s another, more escalated – or even domestic homicide…. Some social workers/psychologists, hu?).

  • FINALLY: This is NOT a “hate on law enforcement,” blog!

 I back the blue.

Read my tweets/Facebook history, and you will see that I am a staunch supporter of law enforcement – Including the agencies I have just mentioned.

I just hate when they lie to me, ignore me, pacify me, try to “explain” their inadequate or just plain bad behavior, dismiss me, blackball me, or even have the audacity to think I believe them while they are denying doing it…

I absolutely despise the treatment officers receive from the public and especially the leaders – It’s horrific!

I’ve met some really great men and women with great hearts and a god-fearing desire to change the world, bring comfort, fight for justice, and who genuinely are called to work in this field.

But I’ve also met some that are NOT.


It is time that law enforcement (and politicians alike) stays in their lane.

You are not social workers, you are not parapsychologists, you are not even lay-counselors, and you are ESPECIALLY NOT well educated, exponentially trained, Domestic Violence or Mental Health Professionals.

Because if you were – you would know that what you “say” you are doing is a violation of the code of ethics for those of us who are actually in this profession.

And you would have the integrity to know that you do not have the qualifications to be of service in this manner. So, therefore, you would call for the professional help these individuals deserve.

It is nothing but a slap in the face when our professional expertise is not seen as a benefit – not to mention when you openly diminish the ethical and integral standard of our work down to nothing more than a 20 minute “on scene” assessment rather than the on-going, time-consuming, thorough investigative treatments and resources that we offer.


Bottom line: You’re trying to put a raging house fire out with a lawn-hose.

CEASE AND DESIST.

YOU – ARE- NOT-QUALIFIED. AND PEOPLE ARE PAYING FOR IT WITH THEIR LIVES.

“… One of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that?” (James 2:16).


Rip victims of domestic abuse. May God Almighty have mercy on your soul and reign down holy-hell on the offenders – and the people that continue to allow it to happen.

“For you are not a God who delights in wickedness;
    Evil may not dwell with you.
The boastful shall not stand before your eyes;
    you hate all evildoers.
You destroy those who speak lies;
    the Lord abhors the bloodthirsty and deceitful man.” Ps. 5:4-6


#DomesticViolenceAwareness

#StopDomesticAbuse

#DomesticViolenceAwarenessMonth

#CrossStrengthMinistries

Intimate Partner Terrorism: The Church’s Response. (A Post from the Pastor of Pump – David Ashley)

Holly T. Ashley

The following is an excerpt from the Redemption. Restoration. Recovery. (R3) Domestic Violence Services and Training manual (Chapter: “Church Discipline”) and is used by permission.

David Ashley, M.A.Apologetics, M.Divinity

Church Discipline

Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore, do not become partners with them; for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.  For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret.  But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for…

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It is W.R.A.P. Week –

Porn-Violence-WRAP

From the National Center on Sexual Exploitation: Pornography teaches violence, especially against women. Research shows that pornography consumption is significantly associated with increases in verbal and physical aggression, among males and females alike. Moreover, in the 50 most popular pornographic videos (bought or rented), 88% of scenes contained physical violence, and 49% contained verbal aggression. Eighty-seven percent of aggressive acts were perpetrated against women, and 95% of their responses were either neutral or expressions of pleasure.

Join the fight against domestic violence by getting rid of porn.

Wolves in Shepherds Clothing: Justice for Lynn Messer and Victims of Abuse everywhere.

Wolves in Shepherds Clothing: Justice for Lynn Messer and Victims of Abuse everywhere.

Let me catch you up… In July of 2014, the wife of a Missouri state lobbyist for Christian, Biblical, homeschooling, pro-life, and family values – disappeared. Kerry Messer stated that he woke up at 4:00 am from the noisy storm, realizing that his wife was not in bed. According Mr. Messer, Lynn simply walked away from her bed in the middle of the night, in the midst of a raging storm… He would also like us to believe that this gun owning, suicidal woman – left her gun behind. According to Messer, she did not take her phone or her wedding ring or any personal items for that matter. In addition, Mr. Messer would like for the church to believe that Mrs. Messer simply decided to leave the house, the children, her Vacation Bible School commitment, and her grandchildren behind. (Read more here)

In addition to this bizarre line of distorted thinking by Kerry Messer – There was also the “friend,” Ms. Spring Thomas, who aided in the search effort – and has since become the girlfriend of Messer.

Unfortunately, the church has complied with Kerry Messer’s wishes. Not just the local congregation of First Baptist Church Festus, Chrystal City , but also he is still in the business of lobbying on behalf of Chrisitan issues. The pastor and members of First Baptist Church Festus have welcomed Kerry Messer, adulteress and suspected murder to continue in their fellowship – but they have honored him with distinction – as being the victim of circumstances and consequently exalted the alleged murder, and confirmed adulterous with a public memorial service scheduled for August 20, 2017 – A service that neither of the sons, nor Lynn Messer’s sisters or mother have been invited to…

Whereby I hope every single Christian in the area will show up and protest such a crude and disgraceful macabre. (If you can’t make it, you can call, email and write – see the bottom of the page).

Holly T. Ashley

Let me catch you up… In July of 2014, the wife of a Missouri state lobbyist for Christian, Biblical, homeschooling, pro-life, and family values – disappeared. Kerry Messer stated that he woke up at 4:00 am from the noisy storm, realizing that his wife was not in bed. According Mr. Messer, Lynn simply walked away from her bed in the middle of the night, in the midst of a raging storm… He would also like us to believe that this gun owning, suicidal woman – left her gun behind. According to Messer, she did not take her phone or her wedding ring or any personal items for that matter. In addition, Mr. Messer would like for the church to believe that Mrs. Messer simply decided to leave the house, the children, her Vacation Bible School commitment, and her grandchildren behind. (Read more here)

In addition to this bizarre line of…

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Domestic Violence in Affluent Marriages

Domestic Violence in Affluent Marriages

Opening up about domestic violence, either to the police or one’s friends and family, is often difficult and frightening for many survivors. Many feel a sense of guilt and shame, as though some amount of responsibility for the abuse falls on their shoulders. This can be for myriad illogical reasons: feeling blame for “provoking” the abuser, for choosing the abuser or for staying with him or her, or if the survivor feels like they deserve the abuse, for whatever reason. A survivor may even feel like they, alone, can or should be able to change their partner. If only I could stop making him/her mad, the abuse may stop.

This can be especially apparent among those survivors who are more affluent. There has long been an erroneous belief that domestic violence mainly affects low-income families, that the stress of poverty may be to blame for violence. While research shows that increased financial stress ups the likelihood of domestic violence, abuse does not skip over the wealthy by any means.

While women from lower incomes are more likely to access social services related to domestic violence, this may only be because the wealthy have more resources to deal with abuse privately. This may mean they can afford to leave the abuser without the help of shelter services or have the ability to hire a higher-priced attorney to assist them with a speedy divorce.

“Higher-income people hide behind what I call a veil of silence,” Susan Weitzman, Ph.D., told The Daily Beast in in a 2013 interview. “They believe it’s only happening to them. No one can hear you scream on a 3-acre lot.”

For more go to the source: Domestic Violence in Affluent Marriages | DomesticShelters

You can also call us. 480.442.4816 Redemption. Restoration. Recovery. (R3) Domestic Violence Services and Training. A Christ-centered domestic violence services and training 501c3 organization.

#DomesticViolence #RedemptionRestorationRecovery #DontBeSilent #EndDV

#GivingTuesday

#GivingTuesday Everyone knows SOMEONE who is a victim of Domestic Violence. Help us help them!

Holly T. Ashley

giving-tuesdayEVERYONE KNOWS SOMEONE WHO NEEDS US.

Help us help them. Donate Here.

We are a Christ-Centered Domestic Violence Services Agency that takes individuals through the domestic violence processes including the intimidating, humiliating, re-victimizing, judicial process.

We also train individuals to be lay-counselors, lay-legal advocates, court advocates and Domestic Violence class facilitators. As well as provide churches and ministries across the country the opportunity to join our national ministry and receive training, resources and referrals.

“The fallow grand of the poor would yield much food, but it is swept away by injustice” Proverbs 13:23

Our Christ-Centered curriculum meets the criteria for all court mandated victims and offenders and is being taught throughout Arizona.

We are one of the only Domestic Violence organizations that have programming for Offenders.

“The teaching of the wise is a fountain of life, that one may turn away from the snares of death.” Proverbs 13:14

Our mission is to…

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tabata-fundraiserJoin Fitness by Design and True Strength Fitness’ THIRD ANNUAL

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@RealDonaldTrump, @Mike_Pence

An open letter on Domestic Violence & Immigration:

Please. Do not let Hillary win.cropped-redemption1.jpg

 

Dear Mr. Trump and Mr. Pence,

My name is Holly T. Ashley. I have been a domestic violence advocate for over 30 years. I have served not only as a court advocate, counselor, and facilities supervisor, but I am also responsible for walking into the Arizona State Governor’s office at a mere 20 years old with a type-writer composed outline of what I saw as a purpose and a plan to bring to light the often dismissed, swept under the rug, or left behind closed doors, issues concerning domestic violence.

And I succeeded.

In addition, I was part of an instrumental group, put together by the Governor at that time, in advocating for one of the first pieces of legislation brought to the Arizona floor and later put into law, making arrest mandatory for DV offenders.

Unfortunately, that would turn out to be my biggest regret.

I told you that, so I can can tell you this…

Many things have changed throughout the course of my 30-year service. Many changes in policy and attitudes towards this epidemic – influenced by the behaviors of our leaders in office – including that of your opponent. Her response (or lack thereof) to the reprehensible behavior of her spouse led me to leave the cause many years ago, out of frustration and anger.

Please do not let Hillary win.

Mr. Trump, I realize that most of America might see your comments towards women as offensive, but I think I recognize your admiration for women. I find it interesting that in the American woman’s plight to be “equal” they are the first to scream, “Offended!” When they are regarded as equals.

I believe, after observing your daughters, and your wife, (even your former wives, for that matter), that you indeed revere women as the intensely strong, smart, beautiful, God given gifts to our world, which they are. Who can work hard, remain feminine, advance in society, politics and the workforce, and do it all while maintaining their home and their families.

During the course of these past years, upon reentry into this field, and in the wake of the liberal tactics of some of the longstanding bureaucrats, in addition to the increase in violence not only that of abuse of women- but violence towards men – by women, I find myself fighting a whole different fight than the one of long ago…

Hillary Clinton has never, will ever, fight this fight.

For Hillary to address domestic violence, she would have to start within her own family, just as for her to address crime, she would have to begin with herself, to address the treatment of our veterans, she would have to begin with begging the widows of Benghazi for forgiveness.

She will not.

Domestic violence is no longer abuse against women, but it has become a national trend of viciousness as a solution for those who feel entitled. We have policies and laws on the books that are being twisted, distorted, perverted, and frankly, abused. As a result, we are seeing an overall increase in violence, but not just men – in women as well– that no one seemingly, wants to address.

Mr. Trump. Mr. Pence. I am a hard-core Christian woman. Molested and abused by my family, gang-raped at age 6 by the neighbor-boy and his friends, date-raped again at 19; By the time I was 30, I had been married and divorced 3 times, was raising 2 kids on my own and making a living as a stripper…

I wasted years blaming my past, my family, and my upbringing for the choices made in my latter days, but the bottom line is that, although as a child I was indeed sinned against, it in no way gave me the right to sin against others – including myself.

Nor did it give me the right to make the crude, insensitive, disrespectful choices as an adult. Neither does it give one, like Jodi Arias, and many other violent women, the consent to justify their carnage as a result of being bitter, hateful, and/or malicious due to past hurts.

Past hurt does not justify any type of abuse or violence towards others. It also does not give one permission to be a victim for the rest of their life either – especially at the expense of others.

Hillary will continue to excuse violent behavior.

In order to resolve this epidemic, we have to first acknowledge that bad behavior is never acceptable, that there are positive and powerful attributes to be discovered when women (and men) realize their own personal responsibilities, self-worth, and that they do indeed have a substantial place in society.

These are the things that our ministry focuses on. We offer services to both offenders and victims. And we have come to realize that not every offender offends. Just as not every victim is a victim. With that being said, we also make sure that those who are indeed criminals, go to jail.

But – funding for Christian ministries like mine are limited. As a matter of fact, they are so limited, that we, as with many other Christian organizations, operate without any type of grants or government assistance that is supposedly, non-discriminatory as well as reserved for domestic violence programs.

Hillary will sustain this trend.

As not only a grass-roots developer of some of the programs that went into the nation’s most formidable organizations, but also as a former violent-crime case analyst and profiler, Christian speaker, and published author, counselor, supervisor – for men, women and youth – which all started with my own personal rise from the ashes…  I know a little something about domestic violence.

However, as an outspoken advocate for reversing some of the processes and policies put into place over these past years – that have increased the victim mentality, blamed inanimate objects – such as guns, inadvertently increased the dangers to our police officers, caused mass-mayhem in our judicial system, and ludicrous pressure in our legislature by these modern-day women’s rights bullies –  coupled with the increased intimidation to the Christian church by way of litigation against what they deem as “hate speech,” I am standing firm in my faith and my mission for change.

Hillary will have me jailed.

I realize I am climbing an uphill battle and am constantly excluded from participation at mainstream DV conferences, conventions, workshops, and seminars because I speak out about abuses of the law, personal responsibility, and most importantly, Biblical principles that need to be realized in order to turn the tide.

No problem. I wrote a Christ-centered curriculum and started my own training and conference workshops – But, it will be even more difficult to implement, finance, let alone promote, if Hillary wins.

Do not let Hillary win.

Hillary Clinton is a devastation to what women are called to be. She is a proverbial black eye on the face of the domestic violence cause – and with regard to victims, her position is either to permit victims to continue to live life as victims, by allow them to claim ongoing entitlements, in addition to advocating for their lack of constructive lives as benefits – rather than fostering personal responsibility and growth that lead to changed lives, such as rising above circumstances to become a beacon of hope for others.

Yet, on the other side of her mouth –  She advocates for women to become “stronger” and through her own example, advocates manipulative, vulgar and abusive tactics in the name of the progressive women’s movement – and she will continue to denigrate women by not holding men accountable for their blatant disrespect and disregard towards women – as demonstrated in her own personal life history.

Please, do not let Hillary win.

I realize that domestic violence is not a political “hot topic” but immigration is – Therefore, you might want to note that if an illegal immigrant is a victim of intimate partner violence, she will get moved to the FRONT of the immigration line, by passing everyone on the path towards naturalization.

Mr. Trump, Mr. Pence, that is also not right.

And yes, I understand the ramifications for some of these women- I personally was held at gun point by a Middle Eastern man seeking “justice” for his family while pursuing his daughter, shelter by shelter, who had left her abusive spouse. Another woman committed suicide because she had lost her family’s respect, due to their cultural beliefs and was too afraid to return to Mexico, let alone, live.

But again, we cannot create policies (especially that are unbeknownst to the American public) that are counter-productive to not only our Nation’s security- but also impede, let alone, trample on, the massive efforts by those who have been pursuing legal naturalization status and jumping through all of the proverbial immigration hoops, as they are required to do.

There is a better way, I promise.

PLEASE. Do not let Hillary win.

Sincerest blessings,

Holly T. Ashley

Founder/Executive Director

Redemption. Restoration. Recovery (R3).

Domestic Violence Services and Training.

Oh, you have enough DV Services… well then, tell that to the 20,000 who went without services last year…

No. This did not just happen. Tell me how this could possibly happen? How does the Office for Victims of Crime Consultant network tell me that our services are not needed? That they have enough “consultants” in their network… Really? Over 20,000 victims were turned away from services last year – and Redemption (R3) Domestic Violence Services and Training is not needed? Really?

Dear Holly,

We want to thank you for your interest in the Office for Victims of Crime Consultant Network.  Unfortunately, we are not accepting Consultant Network applications at this time. Please let us know if you have any other questions.

Sincerely,

OVC TTAC

866-682-8880

 

I wish it ended there – Since the beginning of this year, I have had 3 victims who needed a place to live that I could not place due to no bed space availability. I have not been able to secure safe transportation or provide transitional housing. In my list of over 1000 network services, I have not been able to locate ONE service that would provide a bus ticket, I have not found ONE SINGLE church that would allow me to teach DV classes in their facilities not only in Arizona- but NATION WIDE – Tell me again, how are we helping?

I’m sorry for the rant, but when I get promises from churches to host DV classes – that are promised in a setting amongst a group of people as witnesses, yet fail to return an email confirming class start dates and times – I can’t help but think it was merely for the purpose of self-promotion and an effort to be “heard” rather than act.

Look – we have an epidemic on our hands and we have people who want to help, but this is not how we get it done.

We need to work together and call upon each other in order to alleviate this madness.  This is ridiculous. This is pathetic. A sickening example of “help” for desperate victims who need our help.