Domestic Violence: Another Piece to the Puzzling Reason it Continues: Dear Law Enforcement/Politicians… You’re doing it wrong.

If we have learned anything from the Gabby Petito domestic homicide case; it is that we need to do something different.

You would think that when a domestic homicide occurs every 90 seconds across America, things would change, and the “powers that be” might listen to the experts in the field…

But they do not.

“He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” (Micah 6:8)

But then again, when we kill unborn children, videotape rapes in broad daylight, kill innocent people with drones, murder pedophiles in their prison cell, ignore intelligence that led to the slaughter of 13 of America’s finest military men and women, not to mention, leave innocent lives behind to be beheaded and hung from a helicopter (via our own aircraft), after bailing out criminals who killed innocent people and destroyed their lively hoods during the “summer of love…”

I suppose I should not be surprised when I am dismissed, ignored, and shut out.

Called mean. Referred to as “too frustrated” and told that I need to “change my attitude.”

That law enforcement officials are “social workers… counselors…” and do not need our expertise…. After all, they’ve had the training…

That the political leaders “have our best interest at heart….” And are doing “all they can…” But, Holly, if you could get me this or that… I’ll be able to …

Sure, you will.

I’ve complied. I’ve done all I have been asked… Yet here we are. “Doing all we can,” with our hands tied behind our backs… the backs you have tried to break by pushing against the wall, time and time again.


I have screamed from the rooftops for well over two and a half decades – to no avail. No one wants to listen to the truth – especially if they have to deal with their own incompetence.

When I began my “career” in domestic violence, it was out of sheer necessity. My ex-cop abuser left me for dead on the floor of our garage only two nights after he had broken my hand and tried to kill me by beating me with an iron fireplace poker.  

From the courtroom, I learned that although I had called 911 upon his return to the shared residence at 6:00 pm and the neighbor across the street called again at 7:30 – The police where he had been employed did not respond until nearly 10:30 pm.

The precinct, run by my 2nd cousin, was less than 1 mile down the road from our home… Yeah, I have a life-history lesson, firsthand, about Politician and leadership and their processes of corruption, cover-ups, and coercion.

When they finally got around to coming to the home, both vehicles in the garage were missing, and even though we did not have a truck to pull it with, the 30’ jet boat was also gone.

They found me unconscious, with a broken arm, broken jaw, and a broken neck.

I was taken to a local hospital where I was told to “find shelter.”

The only problem with that was – This was 35 years ago… There were only 2 shelters for women in Arizona and they were solely for women with children and they were each 2 ½  hours away in either direction.

It was at the initial meeting with the judge the next morning, upon the abuser’s release, whereby I learned that I had 10 days to remove myself from the residence, with the statement following an assessment of my physical injuries: “If you can’t work, you can’t pay the bills.”

Although my experience has led me down a road whereby a lot of GOOD things have changed – (a standardized definition of domestic abuse, funding (although if you’re a Christian organization – you’re not on that list).

More shelters (of course, if you’re an animal, chances are you have a better shot a getting a bed, since there are seven times the amount of shelters for animals than people), hotlines, coalitions, agencies, and organizations, resources, referrals, education, awareness campaigns (although now it’s all about being politically correct, inclusive, and… the all-powerful, Critical Race theoretical garbage) which has led to some proper – but more often: improper training, and laws…. More and more laws.

But it doesn’t matter one single bit; if the laws are not followed by the very people that are sworn to “protect and serve,” do not enforce them.

Equally, it is to no avail for prosecutors to rush through cases without a proper investigation and judges who simply issue an order of protection (OOP) and an “anger management” class.

Against the empirical (and Biblical) evidence that shows “anger” is the manifestation of the beliefs, thoughts, and attitudes of the offender that produce the outcome, that is, domestic abuse.

But, hey… the classes are short and without confrontation – and I have been told by prosecutors that, “that’s what the offender wants….”

So, there you go.

“Listen to the word of the Lord, O sons of Israel, For the Lord has a case against the inhabitants of the land, Because there is no faithfulness or kindness Or knowledge of God in the land. There is swearing, deception, murder, stealing and adultery. They employ violence, so that bloodshed follows bloodshed” (Hosea 4:1-3).

The country has now seen, firsthand, what happens when police officers do not take 911 calls seriously or follow the law to make a “mandatory arrest.”

People die.

At the rate of 1 every 90 seconds.

And now, because the law enforcement officials have botched the investigation – on every level, we do not have the suspect in custody – or his parents – and we will probably never know when the coward took his life, let alone how he actually died.

Let alone whatever happened the night that Petito was strangled to death.

Was she dead or alive when she was buried?

Did Laundrie kill himself after he got home, and did his parents cover it up? Did he ever really ever come home?

I realize that there were eyewitness recollections that say they witnessed seeing him… but research shows that recall-witness statements are wrong nearly 74% of the time… and can be manipulated by suggestive reporting by media and other testimony.

So….

 Did they hide the body until they got the “all clear” to return to the wooded area to let the alligators and wildlife consume the evidence on Laundrie’s body?

All while destroying evidence at their UNSECURED home?

Why was Laundrie hitchhiking? Was Gabby already dead?

Questions we will never know because the first responding officers on the scene did NOT do their job.

What they did was so typical. It made my heart sink.

And frankly, I’ve had enough.

I have had enough of the lies, the semantics, the games, the cover-ups, the inadequacies, the lack of wisdom, and the ineptness and incompetence of everyone involved.

God did not make us to fight these evils alone.

From the days of creation, God made two of each kind – including human beings (one race, by the way) – Male and female (by the way) – to work in relationship with one another, to “carry each other’s burdens.”

He gave us the individual gifts of the Holy Spirit – so that we could work as a unified body: One part of the body does not say to another that because they are not an eye or an ear, they are useless.

But apparently, the “believers” in law enforcement and the judicial system must have overlooked that part.

Love God. Love People.

Well, not really… There are those with power…

And then there are the peasants.


The 911 operator was rude, interrupting the caller on numerous occasions, and flat-out arrogant and dismissive.

Then referred to the PHYSICAL ABUSE as stated by the eyewitness as a “domestic problem.”

Do you want to know why people videotape rapes on a train rather than get involved?

When the AUTHORITIES do not take it seriously – why should anyone else?

When there is no arrest, no prosecution, no incarceration, no consequences – and they are just going to go free….

… and what would you expect from a country that murders children in the womb? That lets violent criminals walk the streets. That allows aggressive, dangerous, politically motivated thugs to loot and burn down small businesses?

A government that fights for the rights of perverts and bails out thugs that burn down cities…

We have learned that the lives of others really aren’t that important after all – That it is all about the “clicks,” “likes,” and getting ahead… achieving and maintaining power and control.  

No matter the cost to others; Let alone the cost to society as a whole.

God says those in authority are held to a higher standard…

These actions are not going to be forgotten – nor will they be excused.


The police flat-out ignored the statements made by the eyewitnesses and, therefore, did not make an arrest, did not search the vehicle, did not follow the law in making a mandatory arrest.

(Just a note – In this day and age in forensics, we know FOR A FACT that bruising can take 2 – 3 days to show up on a victim. Cops have been trained in this … supposedly).

The responding officer was so arrogant and flagrant in his sympathy towards Brian Laundrie that he went so far as to violate every code of ethics practiced by (the real) professionals in the field – and he even threw his own wife under the bus by detailing her mental health issues, medication, and his own personal experiences “dealing with her.”

Just watch the video – if you even begin to excuse the officer’s behavior, you are part of the problem. So just sit down.

Did he just diagnose Gabby with a mental health issue, all while excusing Laundrie’s outburst?

Yes, he did.

This same officer from the Moab Police Department (Utah) went on to file a FALSE report stating that the incident was “more of a mental/emotional health issue than a domestic assault.”

Really?

I’m pretty sure emotional, psychological, and verbal abuse IS ABUSE! Not only did the officers witness this firsthand – just in mere observation of the constant crying (as reported) by Gabby – but they had an EYEWITNESS 911 CALL of PHYSICAL ABUSE.

Did they call a domestic violence service provider? Specifically trained and experienced to assess the situation, establish victim/offender? Provide resources, referrals, transportation to a shelter?

Did they check the “anxiety” medications and verify with the Doctors?

Did they verify the “history” of the relationship?

Did they even do a safety plan?

Nope.

Apparently, THESE officers (like all the others across America), obviously learned, through their “extensive” 1 hour, lunch-n-learn Domestic Violence Training, that Domestic abuse is limited to physical injuries that can be seen without any medical intervention whatsoever – and apparently, they are SO WELL trained, that they can determine the mental wellness of individuals and can assess and evaluate, without any empirical testing whatsoever.

Funny – I spent six years in school and 20 years in the field….  and a mental health assessment still takes a minimum of 4-6 HOURS, not to mention the criminal element, that can not possibly be addressed until a comprehensive and thorough background check and investigation of prior behaviors is assessed. Doctors are called, medication is verified, criminal records are investigated, families are interviewed –

But they KNOW THAT, right?

I mean, after all, they have spent at least 1 hour in “Domestic Violence Training,” coupled with an hour of “mental health awareness” training.

Pshhhhhhhhhhhhh…. They are the Pros.  

Silly Holly…

So, the police didn’t do what they have SWORN to do “Protect” or “Serve,” let alone “Keep the Peace,” and now Gabby is dead.

Another domestic homicide to add to the stats.

The coward, Laundrie is dead.

The parents of Laundrie have destroyed every piece of evidence there is or will ever be.

Including Laundrie’s own body…

So, what will be the repercussions?

I know the answer… Because it has not changed in 35 years!

N-O-T-H-I-N-G… NOT ONE THING.

There will not be justice for Gabby. There will never be peace for her family – They do not know the Lord, and that also makes my heart sick.

Nothing will change, the work of police officers answering domestic calls without a domestic violence specialist will never happen –

Of course, that would be an invasion of their “power and control.”

That would be invasive to their tender egos.

That would be annoying.

That would take up even more time

Most importantly, that would be accountability.

And we certainly do not want that!

Did you know that we do not track 911 calls back to the police reports, police response, or even the outcome of the initial call?

WE DO NOT.

I, personally know of more than a few incidences whereby 911 OR police dispatch were called, police showed up, NO REPORT WAS FILED.

In more than THREE incidents in the past three years, the offender had a weapon and NO ARREST WAS MADE –

One officer even told the victim that he wasn’t going to arrest the alleged offender… AND I QUOTE: “because [he, the officer], wasn’t there, how do I know that you didn’t stage this?”

The mentally ill, off his medication, the offender was in the woods in the back of the house. The family begged the officers to wait on the scene until they could obtain the proper paperwork to get him into a treatment facility.

They complied – but DID NOT TRANSPORT the highly volatile, threatening, and dangerous man. LET ALONE call in a mental health expert.

Another officer, after arriving to a scene whereby the offender threatened the wife, the roommate, and 3 CHILDREN with a gun – including firing several rounds into the air – not only did NOT MAKE AN ARREST – But DID NOT file a police report.

When the victim confronted the Sheriff’s department with an audio recording of the event, they found the time to file an incident report – but labeled it a “VERBAL ALTERCATION.”

The law states that ALL GUNS ARE TO BE REMOVED. AN ARREST MUST BE MADE.

Neither of those things has happened…

I know because while I was sitting on my patio one morning, the OFFENDER, along with his Pit-Bull mix dog, walked up, sat down, and filled me in.

Along with some other quite intimidating information for me to “think about.”

When I met with the Sheriff’s office to offer up this handy-dandy information and plead for more training (not to mention a statement to the officers about this Domestic Violence Service Provider’s well-researched and confirmed report) – The Deputy Chief informed me that he would NOT initiate a review – or make any type of a statement to his deputies, or even obtain further training for his officers.

Instead, what he did tell me was to obtain (and pay for) a “Records Request.”

Just an FYI: That’s the equivalent of a suspect telling the police, “Go Get a Warrant!”

So again I say: We have a problem.


People are evil.

They are not good and never have been.

“There is none good, no not one.”

The Bible declares that all men are literally “born into sin.”

That, “the heart is wicked… deceitful above all else… and is not to be trusted.”

Therefore, we must begin believing that truth of the Bible – God’s holy, inerrant Word – and understand that offenders MUST BE PROSECUTED.

Laws MUST BE FOLLOWED.

But the Bible also instructs us to be wise.

That includes knowing your weaknesses and calling on the help of those who can compensate with the strength (gifts) that God has ordained upon them.

We’re all just sinners trying really hard not to sin.

And – there are those of us, who have pursued their gift of discernment by using the experiences that God has allowed in their lives in order to “speak for the oppressed and pursue justice.”

“For such a time as this.”

But the “powers that be,” seemingly do not want to expose their weakness. Instead, they want to be perceived as being “in control,” “the authority,” “the keeper of all things righteous, holy, and just….”

The legislators of morality.

But that doesn’t work when you have no standard for morality.

Without God as the standard. There is no standard.

And then people (even people in power and who have authority) lie, cheat, and do substandard work that they declare is “best in the long run.”


I say this because Pastor David and I live in what is known as “The Bible Belt.” And although that might have been true a century ago – It’s not even in the realm of possibilities in 2021.

Fact is, we live in the “Church Belt.”

Cities upon cities of “believers.”

They have NO idea what they believe, let alone why they believe it…  

OH yes! There is a myriad of very vocal, I might add, “Believers.”

Churches in every other building as you walk down the block, you could stand on the stoop of one, spit, and hit the stoop of another…

But the Bible…?

Is it being preached?

Is it being followed?

No.

It might be quoted here and there – But it is most CERTAINLY not being read… let alone exegeted, or studied.

But misunderstood?

Oh yeah. The feel-good, no-condemnation, no-sin, no-consequences, God loves everybody, let’s get to lunch on time…

That is practiced regularly.

Right along with the “Jesus is my boyfriend” song list – being BLASTED from the “stage” (we don’t have alters anymore) by Nashville-reject/wanna-be’s, enjoying their regularly scheduled Sunday morning concert series.

Pastor Dave and I sat on a committee that held a roundtable for “faith” leaders in the community. One of the speakers, a well-known local pastor, actually stated that when we are trying to help people in our community, there will be times whereby “We need to lay aside our theology…” while all the other “pastors” shook their heads in agreement.

I thought Pastor David’s head would explode.

NOWHERE. NOT EVER. Does God command, deem appropriate, or even suggest that we are to “lay aside the Gospel.”

Anywhere.

Dave and I no longer serve on that committee.

As a matter of fact, we do not serve on any of the “faith” or “church” committees/organizations that have been organized to “help” in this part of the “Bible belt.”

Because they have all proven to be heresy.

Unequally yoked groups of people whose mission is advancing their social status – NOT advancing the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Idolatry.

They have made for themselves false gods of their own distorted, evil beliefs– and their gods let them do whatever they want, without fear of consequences – Not now or in the eternity to come.

“… a silversmith, who made silver shrines of Artemis, brought no little business to the craftsmen… ‘you see and hear that not only in Ephesus but in almost all of Asia this Paul has persuaded and turned away a great many people, saying that gods made with hands are not gods.’” (Acts 20:24-26).

Proof of this fact is that we have a nationally acclaimed preacher standing in a pulpit, just down the road from my house, whereby he gaslighted his wife into believing that she was insane (the true meaning of gaslighting, by the way) – and when she went into an institution, he married his mistress of decades – after she divorced her husband, and member of the church – The same couple that he, himself actually married!

Yeah, he’s a real winner…

His name is @GREGLOCKE – I’m sure you’ve heard of him. He is a classic and flagrant domestic abuse offender who is politically driven to attain power and control through notoriety and perceived social value…

But what the Bible says is that he is “WORTHLESS, and UNFIT for any good work.”

Yet here in the “Bible belt,” he’s a hero.

Along with the pride and joy of the buckle being their beloved Southern Baptist Convention (SBC). All with their nearly 1,000 documented claims against Pastors and church leaders for sexual abuse, domestic violence, adultery, pediophelia, sex trafficking, etc.

Of course, they’ve all been allowed to resign, retire, or simply move to another church with full benefits, of course. So, I guess it’s all ok since they’re not at that church anymore.

And for those of you heathens who had invited Pastor David and me to these events with this blaspheming, wife-abusing, adulterous, false teaching, pathetic excuse for a man – without informing us first – You’re lack of integrity has been noted – and you too can just take a seat.

“But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints… you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not become partners with them” (Eph. 5:3, 5-7).

Another source of evidence is that we have an entire COUNTY of “Believers” who sit in office – yet not ONE could tell you how the abortion clinic appeared…

And not ONE of these “pro-lifers” can tell you what they will do to shut it down.

Because they are not.

They do not value human life either – They desire power. They desire control – driven by the gods of greed and social status.

They assume office, and instead of working on behalf of “the people,” they begin work on committee nominations and re-election campaigns.

“Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!” (Is. 5:20).


So what’s the point in this blog?

It’s a public statement.

  • FIRST: If you think that I was mean… too frustrated… ugly… or had a bad attitude BEFORE…

Well, you’re in for a real treat!

Buckle up, buttercup.

“Those who continue in sin, rebuke in the presence of all, so that the rest also will be fearful of sinning” (1 tim. 5:20).

  • SECOND: We need politicians who possess a fear of the Lord God and His chosen. Men (yes… PC police, “wo” men too), who are willing to actually SERVE the people – regardless of whether or not they obtain a committee position or get re-elected….

We get to decide whether or not you get re-elected.

You work for us. To preserve (and return) our constitutional rights.

We need these individuals at the city, county, and state levels! Not just federal.  

  • THIRD:  Domestic Violence professionals, Mental Health professionals, need to work in coordination with the police departments.

P-E-R-I-O-D.

  • FORTH: Immediate action must be taken to secure accountability. There needs to be accountability with regard to how domestics are handled and the outcome of those calls. And it starts with an audit of every single 911/dispatch domestic and the corresponding law enforcement agency that responded, the actions taken, reports filed….
  • Follow-up visits and case management.

(Oh wait… law enforcement doesn’t do follow-up visits (well, unless it’s another, more escalated – or even domestic homicide…. Some social workers/psychologists, hu?).

  • FINALLY: This is NOT a “hate on law enforcement,” blog!

 I back the blue.

Read my tweets/Facebook history, and you will see that I am a staunch supporter of law enforcement – Including the agencies I have just mentioned.

I just hate when they lie to me, ignore me, pacify me, try to “explain” their inadequate or just plain bad behavior, dismiss me, blackball me, or even have the audacity to think I believe them while they are denying doing it…

I absolutely despise the treatment officers receive from the public and especially the leaders – It’s horrific!

I’ve met some really great men and women with great hearts and a god-fearing desire to change the world, bring comfort, fight for justice, and who genuinely are called to work in this field.

But I’ve also met some that are NOT.


It is time that law enforcement (and politicians alike) stays in their lane.

You are not social workers, you are not parapsychologists, you are not even lay-counselors, and you are ESPECIALLY NOT well educated, exponentially trained, Domestic Violence or Mental Health Professionals.

Because if you were – you would know that what you “say” you are doing is a violation of the code of ethics for those of us who are actually in this profession.

And you would have the integrity to know that you do not have the qualifications to be of service in this manner. So, therefore, you would call for the professional help these individuals deserve.

It is nothing but a slap in the face when our professional expertise is not seen as a benefit – not to mention when you openly diminish the ethical and integral standard of our work down to nothing more than a 20 minute “on scene” assessment rather than the on-going, time-consuming, thorough investigative treatments and resources that we offer.


Bottom line: You’re trying to put a raging house fire out with a lawn-hose.

CEASE AND DESIST.

YOU – ARE- NOT-QUALIFIED. AND PEOPLE ARE PAYING FOR IT WITH THEIR LIVES.

“… One of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that?” (James 2:16).


Rip victims of domestic abuse. May God Almighty have mercy on your soul and reign down holy-hell on the offenders – and the people that continue to allow it to happen.

“For you are not a God who delights in wickedness;
    Evil may not dwell with you.
The boastful shall not stand before your eyes;
    you hate all evildoers.
You destroy those who speak lies;
    the Lord abhors the bloodthirsty and deceitful man.” Ps. 5:4-6


#DomesticViolenceAwareness

#StopDomesticAbuse

#DomesticViolenceAwarenessMonth

#CrossStrengthMinistries

The Church’s Abuse of Domestic Violence

This past month has been a focus of attention for me as with many others in regards to Domestic Abuse. As a thirty-year veteran of this cause, I have been there, done that and (literally) written the manual on it…

In the beginning I had to deal with the following facts:

1. There weren’t any places of refuge for the victims, especially those of the faith.
2. The issues were not being addressed from a Biblical perspective.
3. No one was being held accountable by the Biblical standards set forth in the scriptures.

The fact is – NOTHING HAS CHANGED.

We have more dog-rescues and foster families of orphans from other countries in our church than we do foster-families of battered women and/or their children. Whereby we have ZERO.

We rarely see domestic violence classes – as a matter of fact there are even less whereby a court-ordered class is taught at a church. As a matter of fact, we have passed the buck to (mostly) Christian women who have taken it upon themselves to start refuges, resource centers and counseling programs- then left them hanging by not financially supporting them or even so much as give them a space in their country-club facilities to operate.

Most of the domestic violence counseling programs at our churches are taught by only those degreed professions – who have mastered the social service and psychological perspectives… Rather than anyone who has been specifically trained in domestic violence – God forbid, one who has been there-done that…

Most certainly these issues are not addressed from the pulpit- nor is the offender ever rebuked or confronted.

As a matter of fact, the church’s prevention tactic regarding this issue is often to ignore it or vail it with a mock-counseling sweep-it-under-the-rug-intervention of “pray harder,” “we will be praying for you,” “be a man,” or “be more submissive.”

Back in the day, I was only 20 years old. My church-going, Bible-study parents were humiliated, and therefore were no help. The church joined in their condescending and condemning rebuke. And I felt they were all correct in their findings.

And to a point… they were correct, but being “right” is not a solution, it is an invitation to devise a solution.

And for those of you who do not believe that there is accountability in the victim – you are part of the problem and more than likely are basing your belief on psychological findings rather than scripture.

That mere fact alone stands to defend my point in that the church must take back this issue! The victim who does not take responsibility is the victim who will remain in the cycle of violence for years to come.

“Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly.”

I listened to the “experts” who dealt with these questions from a judicial perspective, from a legislative perspective and also those social services workers who dealt with this from a psychological perspective.

Declarations of abuse being that of “power and control” are the ruling decisions – and still stand today.

Unfortunately – that is simply a state of being for the sinful man and woman, since the fall and the curse that followed, “Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” Hardly the definition or solution to the actual problem.

What no one seems to want to deal with is the spiritual issue. The moral compasses of those involved.

Why is the church not the forerunner?

Where is the refuge for the needy? For the poor in spirit?

The churches have disengaged themselves from the issue of domestic abuse – just as I did back then and I, feeling that because I was only a victim, without a “degree” in social services or psychology, did not feel that I had anything much to offer – after all I was a defined as a victim and without the knowledge of Freudian teachings, I had nothing to contribute to this “disease” or whatever the latest DSM described the behavior to be…

Age, wisdom and me trying to run from this calling has lead me to this fact: All of that is nothing but a lie straight from Satan himself.

So here I find myself, yet again… trying to convince a morally inept country to believe that this is a spiritual issue that can only be addressed by Christ and all without the support of the church to back me up.

Another decade, and nothing has changed.

Victims are defined as women, and offenders are men. The Jodi Arias’ of our decayed country are seen as victims of sexual immorality – even when that immorality is of their own doing.

Men who are victims of female abuse are flat out ignored and neglected. Most certainly not validated.

And do we dare discuss the direct-connection between sexual abuse and pornography?

Social services have become the powerful leader in the “plan of action” for victims of abuse, treatment of offenders and what they see as being “best for the welfare of the children” that are involved in the violence.

But God ordained the church, not Social services, psychology or any other liberal agency that does not look to God’s holy word and the hearts of His created beings to transform this relational issue – without Christ there will be no change – He is the only Way.

The church has focused on “Biblical divorce” rather than “Biblical marriage” and has therefore directly contributed to the problem. And by caving to the concept that a degree in psychology or social services out rank scripture – That is simply blasphemy.

The church as conceded defeat to the world-view. And in its vulgar attempt to deflect the issues at hand have left those in need in utter despair.

What a spectacular feeding ground we have now given to Satan.

It is time for the church to take back the authority given to them by God Himself and focus on the solution to the problem – that is found in Christ alone.

Victims are refusing to press charges, testify in court not to mention those who stay at the direction of their church leadership because of a misguided need to preserve the marriage – forgetting scripture that clearly defines a time for separation:

“Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer;”

But then again… where to go? If the church and its members are not going to provide a refuge, a place to go for prayer, counseling and scriptural guidance… ? The victims who do fight back, do it with their heads hung down in shame – and they do it alone – or worse- they do it with a victim’s advocate covering their head for them!

Who will show them that Jesus hung their shame on the cross?! That they have victory in Him?

““‘I know your works. You have the reputation of being alive, but you are dead. Wake up, and strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have not found your works complete in the sight of my God.’””

So how do we start this process? I am afraid that to whomever is reading this, I am preaching to the choir and my fear is that of what has taken me captive over these past thirty-years of desperately trying to run from this call – that is, nothing will change. But, I will continue on out of nothing more than pure obedience – and I ask you to do the same.

We can start by admitting the truth: This is a Spiritual issue and we, as a church, as the beacon of light, hope and love, have failed miserably.

We are called to relationship, from the beginning of time –

First of all, the Trinity in and of Itself. God is not alone, He is in relationship with Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

Second they created earth and all that is in it and created all of the plants and animals male and female with the command to, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the waters in the seas, and let birds multiply on the earth.”

Thirdly, God first made man in his own image – “then the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature.”

But saw that it was NOT good… “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

The key here that churches seem to steer clear of is this tiny little statement: “fit for him.” We, as a church, do not teach the importance of being “fit” for one another. We do not focus on the relationship as God designed:

“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God;”

We spend so much time trying to keep marriages together that are unholy, un-biblical not to mention volatile and unfruitful to the Kingdom, that by our own view of being “holy,” we are leading the world astray – down a rabbit hole straight to hell.

We have more compassion on those who walk in their sin then on those who regret and mourn their sin.

“It is a snare to say rashly, ‘It is holy,’ and to reflect only after making vows.”

Here’s the truth church. Divorce is indeed something that God hates – as He does many things:

“There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.”

“Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.”

So to those of you who have been an abomination by your lying tongue, lustful eyes, pride of life, road rage, drunkenness, greed, and idolatry– I say to you, you are no different from anyone else that God has declared unworthy – but then again, aren’t we all?

“ All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one.”

For those in the church who are so quick to condemn those who contemplate or determine that divorce is their best solution, I say to you – You have also condemned God Himself of His own kingdom:

“…For all the adulteries of that faithless one, Israel, I had sent her away with a decree of divorce.”
And before you slam me with hate email and comments – stating how the word “whore” is used as the reason… and that Christ Himself used adultery/sexual immorality as the “only” Biblical reason….

Then so be it:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Therefore, in our society I declare all are indeed guilty. And if you deny your lust then you have now put yourself in the category of abomination with your lying tongue.

Divorce is indeed harmful. I am not suggesting that we, as a church minimize the impact – NO INDEED! But since the church has declared that “All are righteous” and is no more calling out the perpetual sinner or holding them accountable- but rather preaching FREE GRACE without penalty of sin – then it is the least that you can do to show grace to those who have been failed miserably by a church who has allowed – even presided over their godless marriage.

No more, do we the church follow Christ’s command or Paul’s vivid example of holding the sinner in the church accountable for their actions:

““If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”

“By rejecting this, some have made shipwreck of their faith, among whom are Hymenaeus and Alexander, whom I have handed over to Satan that they may learn not to blaspheme.”

“As for those who persist in sin, rebuke them in the presence of all, so that the rest may stand in fear.”

So what choice does the un-biblical marriage have –Especially when there is no accountability for the grotesque actions of their spouse. Especially in the cases of sexual immorality, drunkenness…

And that “sticky-situation,” of abuse?

The mere mention of domestic violence brings about immediate denial or a sense of disqualification to address these actions – by the church mind you! The very group that is declared: “Anointed, qualified, and ordained…”

Could it be that it is due to their own guilt and shame? That they have laid the very ground work for this lack of covenant keeping? This abomination of the very essence of the image of Christ and His church?

Undeniably!

By not enforcing the law of God, in this case- Biblical marriage, Biblical relationship… we have given permission to this particular sin called divorce.

By not teaching the Scriptures regarding relationship and mandating this call for judgment we are guilty of allowing relationships that are not ordained by God to join in unions and calling them business relationships, friendships, missionary opportunities, and even marriage which does nothing but desecrate the foundation of what God has designed as Biblical relationship- and it has spilled over into marriage.

As a matter of fact, our complacency and tolerance of the worldview has led our congregations to follow the way of the world’s vision of relationships, including that of the most holy of all: Marriage –

And this is due to the mere fact that the Biblical precepts of marriage that are under the guidelines set forth by Biblical doctrine are not being taught by those in authority nor are those who violate those guidelines held to account.

We must open our eyes to the wolves among us and purge ourselves of them before they devour the church as a whole:

“I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.””

If you as a church have not purged “the evil person from among you,” then you have deliberately defied God’s command to do so.

How dare you.

So then, what be of those who are not in the church? To that I would remind you of yet another command:

“May he defend the cause of the poor of the people, give deliverance to the children of the needy, and crush the oppressor!”

If not this be the responsibility of the church – then who else is going to show the love of Christ? Reconciliation? Recovery? Redemption?

Victims are being turned away from services at the rate of over 11,000 per year – and those who are seeking help… where do they go to find redemption? The state? The government agencies? The Christian facilities that are busting at the seams?

Where are you church? Where have you gone? What have you done giving your power away to the adulterous worldview, the thief who seeks to devour and destroy?

When we have memberships in our churches that exceed the tens of thousands, why is there no available room for victims of abuse who are living in their cars to avoid their abusers? Where is the foster family for them? For their children?

“Do not deliver the soul of your dove to the wild beasts; do not forget the life of your poor forever.”


Holly T. Ashley is a published author, speaker and the founder of R3 Ministries and is an expert in the field of Domestic Abuse and family violence.
R3 Ministries is a Christ-centered domestic violence curriculum that is approved for court-mandated victims and offender DV classes and is also a training manual for churches, ministries and Christian lay-counselors for Domestic Violence counseling and programming.

http://www.redemption3.com

@DVRedemption

R3 is a ministry of Cross Strength Ministries, LLC

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